Ask someone to list their core values and you'll usually get the same five or six words, in some order: integrity, growth, family, freedom, authenticity. They're not wrong, exactly. They're just untested. Nobody picked "integrity" because they sat down and worked out what it actually costs them — they picked it because it's the kind of word that belongs on a list of values.
Values chosen that way don't survive contact with a hard Tuesday. Values chosen deliberately do. Here's the difference.
Start from evidence, not aspiration
The fastest way to end up with generic values is to ask "what do I want to value?" That question invites you to answer with whoever you wish you were, which is a fine daydream but a weak foundation.
A better starting question: what have I actually sacrificed something for, more than once? Not what you'd like to sacrifice for — what you already have. Look for the pattern in your own history instead of importing one from a listicle. If you've repeatedly turned down easier money to keep doing work you find meaningful, that's evidence pointing at something real. If you've never once prioritized "adventure" over comfort, don't put it on the list just because it sounds good.
Make each value specific enough to fail
A value like "honesty" is nearly impossible to violate on paper, because it's vague enough to justify almost anything after the fact. A useful value is specific enough that you can point to a real moment and say clearly whether you kept it or didn't.
Compare:
- Vague: "I value honesty."
- Specific: "I say the true, slightly uncomfortable thing instead of the easy, vague thing, even when it costs me socially."
The second version is falsifiable. You can look back on last week and know, concretely, whether you did that or avoided it. That's the test for whether a value is real or decorative — can you fail it in a way you'd actually notice?
Pressure-test it against a real cost
Before finalizing a value, run it through one question: what would this actually cost me in a specific, plausible situation? If you can't name a real cost, you probably haven't found the edge of the value yet — you've found the version of it that's free to hold.
For example, "growth" is free to claim until it means turning down a comfortable, stable role to take a harder one that will actually stretch you. "Family" is free to claim until it means missing something for work that you'd otherwise want to attend. If a value has never once cost you anything, it's worth asking honestly whether it's a value or just a preference you've never had to defend.
Keep the list short and revisit it
Five or six specific, pressure-tested values will do more for you than twelve vague ones. A long list dilutes attention and makes it easy to always be "living your values" somewhere on the list, even while ignoring the ones that matter most in a given season.
And values aren't permanent monuments — they're closer to working hypotheses about who you're trying to be. Revisit them. If one hasn't shown up in your actual decisions in months, either you've drifted or the value was never quite yours to begin with. Both are worth knowing.
Write them down somewhere you'll actually see them
A value that lives only in your head competes with everything else that lives only in your head, and loses most days. Writing it down — specifically, with the real cost attached — is what turns it from a vague self-image into something you can check yourself against.
That's the entire premise behind Keystone's Core Values key: not a list of nice words, but a small, specific set of things you've actually decided matter enough to cost you something, tracked against what you actually do. Pick fewer. Pick specific ones. Pick ones that could plausibly fail.
Then go find out if they do.